- Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Adam Up
This week I am reflecting upon a conversation I had last week with a relative of mine who has cancer and has been suffering - there are some incredibly important lessons that I have applied to my own life in the past fortnight that I wanted to share here today.
Additionally, I am sharing with you something quite different than the usual articles - I am going to be encouraging you to engage in negative visualisation - yes, you read that correctly, NEGATIVE visualisation, read on to understand why and how it can be incredibly useful.
I've got a bunch of other stuff too (including notifications about upcoming courses), a fresh evidence based hypnosis meme
of the week, and a joke or two along the way.....
And just as a reminder, you are receiving this email because you signed up for this ezine, downloaded a course prospectus or attended a course at some point in time. If you no longer wish to receive this weekly hypnosis and personal development ezine, you may unsubscribe by clicking the link at the foot of this email. I only want you to receive it
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Ok, let's get on with it, shall we?
Why and How To Stop Taking So Much In Your Life For Granted |
Taking things for granted is my topic today, following some major inspiration
from a relative of mine recently, let me explain….
“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” Gilbert K. Chesterton.
The week before last, my brother and I visited our Uncle up (up from us Southerners a least) in the
Midlands as he has been poorly following a cancer diagnosis. He happened to say something that really resonated with me. He is currently experiencing ongoing pain and discomfort due to his illness. He said to us, “never underestimate how good it is to feel normal.” We spoke about this for a while, and he spoke of not taking “normal” for granted. it was heartbreaking, because we know that he is suffering right now.
This struck me.
I know it’s incomparable, but I know that when I’ve had a flu bug, I have yearned to feel normal and be in my usual state. I can only try to imagine what it is like to be seriously ill or in pain or even to be told that you are never likely to feel that way (“normal”) again.
I have been doing my best to celebrate feeling normal since then, more so than usual. I’ve written often about finding beauty in the “ordinary” and championing things we sometimes take for granted, and that leads me to this article today, whereby I wanted to highlight why we must all stop taking things (such as feeling normal) for granted.
In my hypnotherapy consulting rooms, I see so many people who would love to feel “normal” – whatever that means to them.
Why Do We Take So Much for Granted?
One reason is that our minds run riot so much of the time, yearning for a better future or regretting aspects of the past.
We pine
for hot weather when it is wet and rainy, and yearn for rainfall when we get drought warnings after a few weeks of sunshine.
We’re often grasping at something else that we need to make our life perfect. We think, “Someday, when X happens, I’ll be happy.”
Or we regret the past, like the end of a relationship, poor decisions made, financial setbacks. We think, “If only X hadn’t happened,
my life would be so much better.”
But whether in the future or past, there is one place our minds are not. The present. So that is the first way to stop taking so much for granted in life….
Live in the Present:
We can have goals about our future and take action towards them. We can
reflect healthily and learn from the past. Of course.
In order to stop taking so much in life for granted we need to not become consumed with the past or the future and spend time appreciating the present.
Many of the happiest people make it an aim to “live in the present” as much as they can, in balanced fashion. That equips us with the ability to notice the things around us and appreciate more of what we have.
Therefore, do this…. Right now, do this… Be aware of yourself reading
this post. Notice the environment around you. Take a moment to do that now.
This is your reality. This is your life.
What can you be grateful for and appreciative of in your reality right now? Of course, you could easily list all the things you don’t have and feel upset about as a result. Or those very same things could become your goals, that you are going to passionately work towards while being appreciative of all that you do have in your life right now.
Learn to relish the present firstly. There are always likely to be goals you
wish to achieve in the future – isn’t it exciting that there is potential and the promise of so much to enjoy in the now?
Secondly then, and as I suggested in the previous point…
Tune In and Notice Your Surroundings:
Modern day living with it’s wonderful technology and constant media access, we are so engaged with the content of our screens that we have stopped tuning into
the real-world around us.
We then end up losing track of what is really important; the work we do, the people we love, the experience of being alive, and all the things we already do have.
Your children laughing (instead of screaming – as is the case so often in my house!), the birds singing in the morning, the dog barking with excitement about going out for a walk, the books you have on your shelves, the free thought you have,
the fresh air you are breathing. This is tuning you into your surroundings.
Get into the habit of being aware and conscious of your environment and all that is around you. Recognise your work, your family, your home and friendships. Then notice the food you are eating, the senses you are engaging, marvel at running water coming out of your taps, the clothes you are wearing and the fact that you are
able to think and feel at all. Recognise also that many people dream about some of that which you may take for granted.
So ask yourself; what do I have that others may not? What would it be like if I did not have this in my life? It’ll give you an idea of what you may be taking for granted and can also bring you more joy and satisfaction in those things.
You can build on this greatly by reading this brilliant article here:
Using Stoic Negative Visualisation With Self-Hypnosis.
Our health is something so often taken for granted. We often only really realise how good we have it when we suddenly don’t have it so good. Be present and grateful for your health and remember how fortunate you are to have it. Do what you can to preserve it, take care of yourself physically and psychologically. Importantly though, as I wrote right
at the beginning today, celebrate feeling “normal” from time to time and do not take it for granted or abuse it.
“Reflect upon your present blessings of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” – Charles Dickens.
The full article, filled with ways to help you stop taking things for granted, and links to the references can be
read here:
Why and How to Stop Taking So Much In Your Life For Granted.
Go read the article!
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I mentioned it in previous editions of this ezine, I am going to be on tour a bit this year. I am coming North to Hull. I am going East to Norwich. I am going west to Cardiff. I am going to the midlands in Birmingham and I'll be in London though the upcoming one day seminars here in Bournemouth
in March are now completely full to capacity and sold out. Wherever you are based in the UK though, I hope you'll be able to access my seminars this year.My rapid inductions and hypnotic phenomena for hypnotherapists seminar is coming to all these venues, and so is my science of self-hypnosis seminar. Many of the dates are at weekends, so there's no excuse. Each is less than £100.00 to attend (plus Vat) and
you can read about the course, grab all the dates, details about course content and more by downloading a free prospectus at these two pages on my website, come and join me in your neck of the woods:
1. Hypnosis Geek On Tour
2. An Awesome Free Webinar For You
3. Netflix for Hypnosis Lovers
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I mentioned it in previous editions of this ezine, I am
going to be on tour a bit this year. I am coming North to Hull. I am going East to Norwich. I am going west to Cardiff. I am going to the midlands in Birmingham and I'll be in London though the upcoming one day seminars here in Bournemouth in March are now completely full to capacity and sold out. Wherever you are based in the UK though, I hope you'll be able to access my seminars this year.My rapid
inductions and hypnotic phenomena for hypnotherapists seminar is coming to all these venues, and so is my science of self-hypnosis seminar. Many of the dates are at weekends, so there's no excuse. Each is less than £100.00 to attend (plus Vat) and you can read about the course, grab all the dates, details about course content and more by downloading a free prospectus at these two pages on my website, come and join me in your neck of the woods:
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I shared this last week too..... In recent weeks I have been
running a very popular webinar for people that are interested in training to be a hypnotherapist.
It includes some in depth information about how and why to adhere to evidence-based approaches and to get a broad ranging education, then it also goes on to talk in detail about the value of learning how to astonish people and gives instruction on a number of ways to do that, and it also gives some direct business advice about to effectively get up and running by the time you complete your
course of study.
I have also enclosed a couple of the most important handouts I have ever put together for all those who watch (they are worth their weight in gold, I assure you) and offer a couple of free audios.... Importantly, it contains some genuinely useful information for you to be aware of right at the beginning of your journey into the field of hypnotherapy, so go and have a read and a view of the recording that I have made available and public for a limited time. If you are
thinking of training to become a hypnotherapist then go and watch this video or if anyone you know is considering it, please forward them on the link:
The Essential Guide to Becoming a Successful
Hypnotherapist.
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Did you know that you can listen to every single hypnosis audio that I have ever recorded for just £7.50? That is right, since Keith and I parted ways, he is running everything to do with my hypnosis audio sales separately without me interfering. Without me to hold him back, he has gone crazy and is offering you a deal whereby you can access all my hypnosis audios along with a number of other hypnosis tracks, for just £7.50.
It is the way the
audios are being delivered now - it is like Netflix for hypnosis audio lovers. Go and have a look at what I'm talking about here:
Hypnosis For Streaming - Loads of Hypnosis
Audios!
In Addition To This Week's Main Theme:
Stoic Negative Visualisation |
In addition to today's main theme about not taking things for granted in your life, I wanted to share this brilliant process too, it fits really nicely, let
me explain because it is very different to most of that which gets shared in the world of positive psychology for example....
Some of my biggest influences in the past decade have been cognitive behavioural therapy pioneers who were heavily influenced by the philosophy of Stoicism. When an influential tutor and a
professional colleague, Donald Robertson, also then wrote a book about the philosophy behind cognitive behavioural therapy and then a book on getting started with Stoicism, I started to think more seriously about it. I read a few books after that, but it was a book entitled “A Guide to The Good Life” by William B Irvine that I read for the first time a while ago and have since read a couple of other times, that has really got me to a point whereby I am actually applying a philosophy to
my life.
There is a slight conflict that I have in writing this at all. The reason being that Stoics do not really tell others that they live a stoic philosophy, rather, they simply live it as best as they can without advertising the fact unnecessarily. However, I am not going to be writing about stoicism itself in depth today, just one small element of it that I have been using in combination with self-hypnosis for some months that has really had an incredible effect on me and my life
that I thought I would share here today.
In his book, William Irvine writes about a Stoic practice referred to as negative visualisation.
The Romans called it premeditatio malorum which I really rather like, not least because it sounds like something Harry Potter would say while pointing his wand at something or someone. I have written about similar concepts from the field of CBT, and I also teach similar concepts to negative visualisation (you can read this
article, for example, on using the worst case scenario for self-improvement) however, I wanted to share a couple of excerpts from chapter 4 of “A Guide to the Good Life” first of all to give you an idea of what it is all about.
Irvine introduces the reader to a common problem known as hedonic adaptation, which is the fact that people get used to what they have and as a result, they start to appreciate it less. This is not just limited to physical ‘things’ but also applies to our desires,
which are seen by many as being insatiable. If we examine self-help literature of the last century, most of it would suggest that we all create our reality and our world with our thoughts, so we must have positive thoughts to create a positive world for ourselves. They often go on to encourage us to achieve more by believing that we are capable – and with that belief in ourselves and our ability to achieve, we go on to accomplish more of that which we desire.
Even going on to achieve our
goals does not necessarily lead to a lifetime of satisfaction though, does it? Many people continue to plod upon what psychologists often refer to as the hedonic treadmill, which goes something like this:
1. We work to achieve what it is that we desire.
2. Those desires are subsequently fulfilled for a short while, but we soon adapt to them and we become dissatisfied.
3. We now raise the bar and want more or ‘better’.
Life can become littered with unfulfilled desires. How
many people you know want more than they have? A bigger house, a more modern car, a better-paying job, more recognition from peers, a leaner physique, a younger spouse even!
A healthy level of desire can inspire us to take action and have more good things in our lives, but an ongoing sense of lack creates anxiety. It undermines our satisfaction with our life. As William Irvine states;
“The psychologists Shane Frederick and George Loewenstein have studied this phenomenon and
given it a name: hedonic adaptation. To illustrate the adaptation process, they point to studies of lottery winners. Winning a lottery typically allows someone to live the life of his dreams. It turns out, though, that after an initial period of exhilaration, lottery winners end up about as happy as they previously were. … Another, less dramatic form of hedonic adaptation takes place when we make consumer purchases. Initially, we delight in the wide-screen television or fine leather handbag we
bought. After a time, though, we come to despise them and find ourselves longing for an even wider-screen television or an even more extravagant handbag. Likewise, we experience hedonic adaptation in our career.” (p. 66)
He then offers up the Stoic solution to the problem:
“The stoics thought they had an answer to this question. They recommended that we spend time imagining that we have lost the things we value— that our wife has left us, our car was stolen, or we lost our
job. Doing this, the Stoics thought, will make us value our wife, our car, and our job more than we otherwise would. This technique— let us refer to it as negative visualization—was employed by the Stoics at least as far back as Chrysippus. It is, I think, the single most valuable technique in the Stoics’ psychological tool kit.” (p. 68)
There have been objections to this, in particular from those who believe that self-improvement should be positive psychology only. Irvine addresses
this too:
“This sounds like no fun at all. But more to the point, it seems unlikely that a Stoic will gain tranquility as a result of entertaining such thoughts. To the contrary, he is likely to end up glum and anxiety -ridden. In response to this objection, let me point out that it is a mistake to think Stoics will spend all their time contemplating potential catastrophes. It is instead something they will do periodically: A few times each day or a few times each week a Stoic will
pause in his enjoyment of life to think about how all this, all these things he enjoys, could be taken from him. Furthermore, there is a difference between contemplating something bad happening and worrying about it. Contemplation is an intellectual exercise, and it is possible for us to conduct such exercises without its affecting our emotions. It is possible, for example, for a meteorologist to spend her days contemplating tornadoes without subsequently living in dread of being killed by one.
In similar fashion, it is possible for a Stoic to contemplate bad things that can happen without becoming anxiety-ridden as a result.”
So the strategy requires us to spend some time on a daily basis imagining that you no longer have the things you value most. I have vividly imagined, for example, what my life would be like without my children and it has made me be incredibly present when I am with them and enjoy every moment that we have together – even when they are being
‘challenging.’ Epictetus, the Greek Stoic philosopher (and one of the four major Stoic philosophers) reminds us that our children have been given to us “for the present, not inseparably nor forever.” This possibly sounds a bit morbid at first, but in reality it becomes very useful and valuable when we think of the actual impermanence of life and how anything and everything could be taken from us any moment; we therefore learn to enjoy each moment we do have. Additionally, we start to become more
mentally prepared in case anything should ever happen – something that the well known psychotherapist Arnold Lazarus refers to as an ‘anti future shock’ visualisation in his book “The Mind’s Eye.”
If you read about people who have survived natural disasters or life-threatening scenarios where they may even have suffered in one way or another, their accounts afterwards suggest that they feel they were not fully living before. Now though, they are thankfully, happily and beautifully alive.
People ought not and should not need to go through a life-threatening scenario or endure a natural disaster to appreciate life in that way – especially when the same effect can be attained by engaging in negative visualisation.
Some people may well be already living the dreams they once had for themselves. Since achieving those dreams, they may have become bored and immune to the joys that surround them in reality. The goal of this Stoic negative visualisation process is about waking
people up, and helping them to appreciate what they have. Spending time on the hedonic treadmill gradually lowers our enjoyment of life. Negative visualisation raises that enjoyment again.
Follow the basic steps I offer up today and you’ll see for yourself.
The evidence for self-hypnosis states that it advances vividness of mental imagery (Fromm et al, 1981) and it also enhances our focus and absorption when we adopt a good quality hypnotic mindset. Therefore, to me and in my highly
biased opinion, it makes sense to practice negative visualisation in conjunction with self-hypnosis. Prior to starting, consider an area of your life that you currently believe you would benefit from appreciating more, this could be your family, your work, your relationships, friendships, possessions, health, or absolutely anything else. Then follow these simple steps by reading the full process and article here….
Using Stoic Negative Visualisation With Self-Hypnosis.
This week, my social media output has been filled with memes about hypnosis, photos from my running schedule (including me running on the sea front with my dog) and loads of articles from our vaults (including
some really controversial ones from the past few years!!) and some other bits and pieces.
You can follow and keep up to date here:
Additionally, if you are a student, graduate or friend of my college, then come & join our Facebook group for hypnotherapists, it has some wonderful discussion on there:
I'm completely booked up with regards to being able to take on any new clients for hypnotherapy, mentoring or coaching currently, so have removed those links from Adam Up for a few weeks.
For
those of you interested in finding out a bit more about working or studying with me, here are the pages to go and do that:
Would you like a satisfying and meaningful career as a hypnotherapist helping others?
Are you a hypnotherapist looking for stimulating and career enhancing continued professional development and advanced studies?
We have a range of classroom based and home study courses offering the most comprehensive and highest quality education in the hypnotherapy and hypnosis fields:
If you are a hypnotherapist, then I highly recommend the investment of 10 minutes of your time to read these articles, they are ram-packed full of useful
information even if you do not choose to study with me, they’ll benefit you greatly:
How about a Latin joke for
you this week....
Julius Caesar walks into a bar, sits down, orders a martinus.
The bartender gives him a weird look and says "don't you mean a martini?"
and caesar says... “if i wanted a double i’d have ordered one”
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Any Questions Or Help Needed -
Get In
Touch:- Do feel free to contact me if you need help or more information about our courses, seminars, or anything else. I am very accessible and love hearing from you.
Email or Web Contact
You can reply to this email and use that email address, or visit my personal website or college website and use the contact pages there to send a message - I'll always reply within one
working day and if you do not get a reply within that timeframe, I won't have received your message.
Do leave a message if we are not available and we will call you back. Adam: 01202 526977 or 0044 1202 526977 (outside UK)
That's it for this
week's edition, how did I do?
I shall be back next week; in the meantime, I thank you for being a very valued reader, I appreciate you and hope to reward you greatly going forward with all that we offer here, I send you much love and my very best wishes,
Buloo!
Adam Eason. What Does ‘Buloo!’ Mean Adam? |
AE College Of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis
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