It’s OK to feel bad sometimes… No, it’s actually good to feel bad sometimes, and today
I’m writing and explaining that.
“The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” – Carl Jung.
Sometimes when you find yourself in a deep and muddy hole and you feel bad, the best thing that you can do is calmly look up at the sky. It might
be blue, it might be grey, but that simple act of looking somewhere else will remind you that your life is not necessarily all about the “here and now,” no matter how bad the “here and now” is or seems at that moment.
We all have bad times in life when we feel bad and like we are in a hole of some kind. Sometimes we fight to get out, but this often makes the walls of the hole ever more slippery.
Sometimes we sit down and stare at the walls, blankly resigned to our fate. Sometimes we shout and scream about how unfair everything is. However, as we understand that life is filled with these black and white moments, sometimes we simply accept that we are in a hole and wait, patiently looking up at the sky…
We all have different things that we hold on to when times are tough. Some of us find our
respite in sport or physical activity, some of us escape into our work, and some of us like to take a walk in the fresh air. This doesn’t solve what is causing our unpleasant moment, but it often gives us the strength to deal with whatever we need to.
When you start fighting against and resenting your bad moment, you inevitably make it even harder to bear. If you take action, if you seek to work
your way through it, with occasional looks up at the sky (metaphorically and literally) to give you strength, you may be surprised at how much easier it is to deal with.
In a world of perfect Instagram photos and inspirational quotes on social media, it is easy to imagine that you are the only one going through a tough time. It can feel lonely and a bit sad at times. Putting on a “happy face” on social media is many people’s way of coping with what they perceive as inadequacies in their
lives, but it is far from the truth. If you are having a tough time, you can start by telling someone about it – which can bring a little bit of sunlight into the hole, and a burden shared can be a burden halved.
Although most of us now live in a society where it’s all about staying strong and rarely reflecting upon negatives, sometimes a calculated approach to exploring bad feelings can be even
more powerful.
Here are some reasons why it’s ok (or even good) to feel bad sometimes.
When You Feel Bad, It Brings Clarity:
Our emotions fluctuate. They come and go. They are difficult to describe. They can be even more difficult to understand. Often, most of us just know that certain
things feel good or bad without actually understanding them.
Understanding the reasons behind our emotions can help. Confidence is one major reason for many people feeling unfulfilled in life. Only by understanding our emotions – good and bad – we can determine with confidence what is actually going to be satisfying long term.
Successful people understand that exploring bad feelings –
although sometimes confusing and even painful – leads to understanding. It gives reason and allows you to build plans to put things right. A 2011 study by Bledow and colleagues found that bad moods can be motivating when they’re followed by good moods; and also that negative events, such as crises, conflicts, and errors, are integral and unavoidable aspects of human action in life.
Rather than just
living purely at the mercy of your emotions, it gives you the chance to build some clarity about how and who you are, and develop understanding of yourself.
When You Feel Bad, It Brings Realism:
In this increasingly connected and fast paced world we live in today, expectations have never been higher.
It’s almost as if with our reliance on technology to do so much, we’re almost expected to be like computers ourselves.
And that’s perhaps where emotional reflection gets most interesting. Successful people understand that by exploring bad feelings when necessary, they become reminded of how emotional and irrational human beings actually are at times. It reinforces that
despite technology being a great thing, we will often do things based on feelings rather than thinking logically.
It’s what makes us so amazing and causes us to explore, be artistic and continuously look for new ways to express ourselves. Keeping us grounded and keeping us real. I’m going to write more on this later on too as many people expect me to have a “whoopee-doo” attitude all the time
because of my profession.
When You Feel Bad, It Leads To Self-discovery:
Our emotions can determine what we do and ultimately may determine who we become. Yet what is so unique about each of us is that these reasons are different for everybody.
Finding out the trigger points for our
emotions and how to use and avoid them is an important aspect of leading a happy and fulfilled life.
Exploring our bad feelings can lead to vital lessons in self-discovery and personal development. Whether it is feeling depressed due to lack of progress, feeling jealous because other people are “moving on” or getting insecure around particular people, it allows us to discover the most important thing in life itself: Us. Ourselves.
By investing the time in reflection – even with the negatives – you can get to know yourself better and improve who you are.
“When you feel sad, it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Everyone has those days when you doubt yourself, and when you feel like everything you do sucks, but then there’s those days when you feel like
Superman. It’s just the balance of the world. I just write to feel better.” – Mac Miller.
Bad Moods Won’t Do You Harm If You Embrace Them!
In a study published in 2016, researchers Luong and colleagues, demonstrated that people’s frequency of bad moods were linked to negative outcomes with their mental and physical health, but that the impact upon health
varied according to the attitude they had about the negative emotion. Those who were negative about the bad mood tended to pay a price of poorer mental and physical health. Those who embraced the bad mood and held a more progressive, positive attitude toward it found the links to poor health were virtually removed or absent altogether.
Additionally, a bad mood won’t negatively effect your mental
performance. A 2016 study by Sophie Von Stumm showed that there is no evidence to suggest a bad mood will make you perform poorly in a test or exam. In fact, a 2005 piece of research by Forgas and colleagues suggests that you will be less susceptible to misinformation when you are in a bad mood; you become a better critical thinker and even further research by Forgas and East (2008) suggests you are less gullible when you are in a bad mood.
When You Feel Bad, It May Make You Empathetic:
Those suffering from depression are often characterised as being disengaged or disconnected, yet research in 2005 by Harkness and colleagues entitled Enhanced accuracy of mental state decoding in dysphoric college students, featured in Cognition and Emotion journal found that mildly depressed individuals were better able to detect other people’s emotions. So, it’s okay
to have a bad moment. It happens. A lot. Just accept it for what it is, look up at the sky every now and again, and you’ll find a way through it.
We all feel down sometimes. Sometimes exploring bad feelings can actually be just as important in leading a satisfying and productive life as simply trying to stay positive and getting on with it. And who knows, it might even lead to answers that could be
invaluable.
Must We Be “Whoppee-Doo” All The Time? Am I Allowed To Feel Bad?
One thing I have struggled to come to terms with over the years, is that as a trainer, author and therapist, whose main purpose in those roles has been to help others feel happier or get better, is that many people
expect you to be “Mr Whoopee-doo” all the time.
What do I mean by that? I explain it all in full over at the article. Go read the full article here, it also contains all the references and links to the scientific papers for those of you who'd like to check it out:
