Following my politically themed article this week, I got sent on a couple of political gags that tickled me…..
1. How government works:
Once upon a time the government had a
vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, "someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write
the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Quality Control department and hired
two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll
officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
2. Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine
the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400
for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
“I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers,
“$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says,
“You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back,
“$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the
government official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
