Hello - Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Adam Up.
You regular readers will know that I write often about how much I love running, it is a big part of my life. It is not all plain sailing though, I am very physically drained at the moment as my weekly mileage hits 80 miles this week. I ended writing about the things that annoy me when
running and in the process think I have annoyed plenty of other people! Hahahaha, go have a read of my running gripes here:
There has been plenty of talk about mental health in the news recently too. One particular point of interest for me was following a study that had
examined the use of virtual reality and technology for reducing depression. I have quite a bit to say on this topic, and wrote about it here:
Keith has also written a blog this week about the mental health issues here in the UK. What a great time to train as a hypnotherapist, and cognitive behavioural hypnontherapist!!
The government wants an expansion of talking therapies (such as cognitive behavioural therapy – CBT) to treat 600,000 more people a year, 70,000 children offered help and 30,000 more mothers with post-natal depression.
http://wats-on.net/2016/02/15/mental-health-an-important-question-for-you/
Onto Today’s Main Article, Something Which Might Seem Unusual To Write About Is My Focus This Week; The Value of Selfishness.
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I am a real fan of the author Ayn Rand. In fact, ‘The Fountainhead’ is one of my all time favourite books (and not just because the main male character had red hair and is the ultimate hero of
individualism). ‘Atlas Shrugged’ is another I love.
However, it is her book ‘The Virtue of Selfishness’ that has had the more profound effect upon me and my own life ethic. Please note, this is not a critique of any kind of Ayn Rand’s work, or her legacy or her contribution,
or what she was like as a woman, it is really me doffing my cap to the fact that she introduced me to this notion, and I am thankful for that.
The Virtue of Selfishness was published in 1964 and comprised of a collection of essays written by Ayn Rand and Nathaniel Branden and within it Rand aimed to re-characterise selfishness as a virtue rather than something that was
typically perceived as being a negative trait.
Many people assume that if you are selfish, it is somehow to the detriment of others, yet I subscribe to the notion that if you effectively concern yourself with your own interests (the more precise way Rand termed selfishness) you actually are better able to serve those you love and the world around
you.
It seems counter-intuitive to suggest that being selfish can make us a better servant to the world, so how do we actually go about becoming ethically and effectively selfish? That is what I am writing about today. If you’ve ever wanted to create change in your life, there’s a good chance you’ve worried about the impact your choices could have
on those close to you, you are likely to have considerately examined the effect of the decisions you make and how you impact upon those around you.
You’ve perhaps told yourself you’re a good person (which you probably are if you are considering it), and that good people don’t hurt others. Good people put others first, even if it is at the expense of your own well-being. That’s how things are, aren’t
they?
Most people have subsequently learned through experience or been taught that selflessness is a virtue, and selfishness is a character flaw. Today I’d like to suggest that this ain’t necessarily
so.
In fact, there are times when selflessness can be problematic and even dangerous. There are times you need to be selfish.
The
trick is knowing when it is the right time to put yourself first. Let me offer up some considerations and reasons that selfishness can indeed be a virtue in this modern day and age: It is essential for your long-term health:
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is
lost.”
-- Gustave Flaubert - Let’s get into the basics and fundamentals to begin with here…..
Financial planners strongly suggest
to live within your means as much as possible. Continuously borrowing against your future for short-term pleasure will lead to poor financial health and potential bankruptcy. Much of the state of the world economy in recent years has been attributed to irresponsible borrowing habits. Some may argue that recklessly borrowing is an act of selfishness, but had many people learned to take care of themselves effectively, being effectively selfish is likely to have paid dividends in the long
run.
Likewise, by neglecting your sleep, physical exercise and proper nutrition levels consistently for others, you are borrowing against your future, and you risk bankrupting your ability to remain independent from outside support as you age. Many in the caring professions, as well as so many wonderful Mothers often burn themselves out by selflessly putting the needs of others before
themselves and paradoxically render themselves less effective at being able to care.
"When you take care of yourself first, you show up as a healthy, grounded person in life,"
says Bob Rosen, author of Grounded: How Leaders Stay Rooted in an Uncertain
World.
It nurtures you mentally, physically and emotionally: It also offers you some spiritual sustenance.
When did you last take some time, just for you? Even spending
time being mindful, getting lost in your own thoughts, exercising or some other selfish pursuit when all that matters is you, is going to nurture you.
Doing things that create vitality (such as the strengthening of our spirit, mind, and body) allows you to be more resilient in the face of unexpected obstacles or challenges. This means you will be less prone to stress, depression, and
anxiety, have the capacity to give more to others in their time of need, and allow you to be less reliant on health care as you age.
Melissa Deuter, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Texas says,
“the good part of being selfish is that you
take responsibility for getting your personal, emotional and physical needs met, and that’s an important part of becoming an adult."
It frees you from harmful behavioural patterns or relationships:
It makes sense that when you have a good relationship
with yourself, you are likely to have good relationships with others too.
In my favourite TV show Red Dwarf, Arnold Rimmer becomes very difficult to like, because he does not really like himself. Whereas those who love themselves can often in turn become very loveable.
No one would
criticise someone for selfishly recovering in a hospital or convalescing at home. Taking the time and space to heal and maintaining a positive outlook is essential to the process. Without a healthy self-concept, you limit your ability to engage, nurture, and inspire others.
People will have a harder time
manipulating or taking advantage of you if you’re selfish, says Deuter.
"Setting boundaries means knowing where you end and other person begins," she says. "If you have trouble being self-focused, you might have trouble saying no."
I think this is expressed in
one of the cornerstones of cognitive behavioural therapy; assertiveness training. This is a fundamental part of my own hypnotherapy training courses. When clients learn to become appropriately and healthily assertive, so many other areas of their life begin to flourish in wonderful ways. In assertiveness training, people learn who to offer their own perspective without feeling guilty, they learn how to say ‘no’ effectively and in ways that safeguards their own well-being. Being healthily
assertive (i.e. not submissive or domineering) is partly also about learning to be effectively selfish.
It allows you to live a more purpose-driven, growth-oriented life: "Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless."
-- Edward Albert
Spending the time to reconnect with yourself, to know yourself at a deeper level, to identify your strengths, and develop an unshakable sense of purpose will allow you to share your gifts and passions with the world. The world needs you at your most awesome.
I was speaking to a man this week about the fact that I only work in a coaching or mentoring capacity with people I
think I’d enjoy working with and am stimulated by. He said to me “isn’t that a bit selfish? Other people may want or need to work with you too?” His response makes perfect sense. My retort focused on the fact that when I am stimulated, inspired and energised, I do my best work, I serve that person better, and it has a greater impact on the world. Those other people will find coaches and mentors who will do the same for them.
Working and living with a sense of purpose is at the heart of effective selfishness. Having a vision for your life, standing for something and promoting a set of values that are important to you, will mean you’ll grow and develop and be able to be more as a result.
It moves you towards your
dreams:
“To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve. And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish. Stay reachable. Stay in touch. Don't isolate.”
--Michael Jordan
Every day, adults encourage children to dream big, and then go out and chase those dreams. Unfortunately, that message changes as we get older, to the point where any mention of striving for
something better often gets dismissed by others. In some cases, it leads to open attempts to sabotage or ridicule you. Without dreams, you lose your sense of wonderment and enthusiasm. Without dreams, you lose hope for a better future.
Accepting where we are at is good, learning to enjoy who we are is good, yet we can still strive towards dreams and outcomes that are going to help us actualise
ourselves more greatly.
It empowers others to become more independent and self-reliant:
This is key.
Yes, it’s important to
help others who are unable to help themselves. However, giving to others who are capable of helping themselves but choose not to is not selfless; it’s harmful. Learned helplessness and a false sense of entitlement can only make it difficult for others to survive outside of the nest. Eventually, the adult bird pushes the baby bird out of the nest and forces them to fly.
I want to teach my own children
how to be effective in their lives and sometimes I want to show them how to ‘do life’ according to my own model of the world, yet it is so important to let them learn for themselves often too. We get to influence by being a template that they can then explore and fit into who they choose to be. The ability to choose is what they learn by us being that empowering example.
It decreases a power imbalance:
Selfishness does not mean that you do not serve others.
The reality is that the world can be harsh and unfair at times. Many people are powerless to help themselves in the face of
oppression and injustice. Many are simply born with less opportunities than others. If you hold dearly the values of kindness, equity, fairness, and justice, you may feel compelled to act to affect change, often at great risk to yourself. Choosing to withhold your ability to help others will only perpetuate the cycle of injustice that people are forced to endure.
If you’ve followed the other
elements of this article and understood them, you’ll be far better positioned to support those who need you most, and you get to serve more effectively in turn.
You have made a good attempt at communicating effectively: An assertive communication style allows for openness and honesty in any dialogue about creating change. It allows time for the other person to consider your views and determine if they are willing to support them or
not.
"If you have a well-developed sense of who you are, what you enjoy and the ability to communicate this to others, you’ll be a happier person," says Deuter.
After all is said and done, choosing change becomes so much easier when you know you have
approached things fairly and respectfully. When you know you are communicating with honesty, integrity and according to who you really are, you will be congruent and so many other facets of what I have written about here today will slot more comfortably into place.
At times, you have to be selfish and be okay with being selfish. To do what you love to do, to be bodacious and lead as you dream of
leading. To be selfish is to speak up, be heard and be seen and in turn serve others more effectively as a result.
Get selfish now, and be the one who is happy and healthy. And in turn, this clarity of your desires will make you feel lighter, happier and determined to share yourself honestly with everyone around you.
1. Hypnotherapist Mentoring With Adam: If you're a hypnotherapist (or other form of psychotherapist) looking to develop your business.
2. Financial Freedom Coaching With Adam: If you're seeking financial freedom, career advancement, perhaps you are returning to work after some time out, seeking financial independence or are developing (or starting up) your business, this is for you. You may struggle to monetise your love or make your
dreams financially viable, if so, this is for you. 3. Weight reduction mindset coaching: If you’re looking to reduce your weight, or have struggled to stick
to your new year weight resolutions, or if you want to be sure of the Summer beach body, this is for you. Just visit these pages and read what is there, just reading that stuff I've posted on those pages will give you insight and
value. If you do not think you need or want a session of this type with me, then do you know someone who does or who would benefit from such? Recommend them to these pages, I’ll serve them well and you’ll be doing them a great service
indeed. Last week alone, here are what people have publicly written about just that single hour spent with me discussing these things, for free: “This is the most inspiring hour I ever spent on my hypnotherapy
business” “I’ve been more productive than ever since I spoke to Adam for that one hour call” “There was so much information and inspiration crammed into that hour, I have no idea how it happened.” “I’m making
it happen for sure!” Take me up on it. Dive in deep with me.
Hypnotherapy Training With AE College Of Hypnosis
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There are two pdf documents attached to Adam Up this week. Also links here to download them if needed..
We are developing a series
of pdfs that we hope will explain exactly how we are making our training as accessible as possible.
OUR MISSION TO PROVIDE THE BEST
HYPNOTHERAPY TRAINING
Highest Quality Hypnotherapy Training Best Support Resources Online Thoroughly Absorbing Fun Education Critical Thinking Students and Hypnotherapists Evidence Based Hypnotherapy Access For Anyone Worldwide
Flexibility For Students With Work Or Family Develop Highly Professional Hypnotherapists
Hypnosis & The Brain: A Neuro-Scientific Perspective:
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I thought I'd also mention this lecture I am giving next month that is virtually free (£3.50!) to come and enjoy.....
There are many hypnotherapists and clinicians of varying backgrounds using hypnosis
for therapeutic gain and benefit, but do we really have any idea of what is actually happening inside the brain when we are doing so?
Most hypnosis professionals refer to ‘making changes inside the head’ but what changes are actually happening and are they actually happening at all?
In this lecture, you will learn:
- An outline of the relevant brain anatomy when it comes to hypnosis
- An explanation of classic cognitive neuroscience and how it relates to hypnosis.
- If you'd like to read more or if you've like to add yourself to the numbers for this, visit this page at my hypnosis hub
- How hypnosis
is being used to understand much of neuroscience
- A lot of important evidence base and the most pivotal neuroscientific studies.
- The methodologies used in these studies. (They are illuminating and fascinating!)
- The reasons why pain studies have
been historically used to study hypnosis too.
- How the hypnotised brain is actually studied; the pros and cons of such approaches
- How neuroscience disproves a number of classic theories in the field of hypnosis.
This lecture is for anyone
who uses hypnosis, anyone interested in cognitive neuroscience, and anyone who wants to explore what the evidence base tells us happens in the brain when people are hypnotised.
This is a lecture I have not delivered before, it is completely new material and I have no plans to offer it again anywhere else this year.
It’ll be very in-depth, it’ll refer to very credible references and will
delight the hearts and minds of any hypnosis professional.
Come and indulge your inner hypnosis geek and have your own brain stimulated in numerous ways.
Online Hypnotherapy Courses
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A guy walks into a bar.
His wife says "Ouch, that would not have happened if you took off your VR goggles like I told you to."
Another joke on theme this week! Thanks to everyone who sends them in, I love receiving
them. Why not get over and join Adam's Hypnosis Hub. Anyone interested in Hypnosis may join. You could then add a caption to our weekly image.
share the meme of the week:
Any Questions Or Help Needed -
Please DO Contact
Us:- Do feel free to contact us if you need help or more information about our courses, seminars, products. It is in fact great to get to know you all.
We can take payments for products or services over the
Phone or Skype if preferred.
Please use Support Centre rather than e-mails which are notoriously
unreliable
Support Centre
Do leave a message if
we are not available and we will call you back. Adam: 01202 526977 or 0044 1202 526977 (outside UK) Keith: 01202 247301 or 0044 1202 247301 (outside UK) Skype:
Another thing that we encourage is contacting
us via Skype. Keith's Skype ID - keithaw2k1. Adam can be contacted on Skype by arrangement. |
Awake Media Productions Ltd |
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