Hello - And Welcome To This Week's Edition Of Adam Up My thanks to my good friend Steve Baxter for writing last week’s edition of Adam Up, I hope you enjoyed it, I know I certainly did. I had a great week away with my family after running the London marathon. It was our first family holiday away since having children and we had a great
time together. Having run London marathon, nothing beats cycling around a hilly Centreparcs environment towing two children in a trailer! My legs were loving it.
We did get to spend plenty of time screaming on waterslides, jumping through waves, relaxing in whirlpools and being launched through white water rapids while we were there though, and I think I enjoyed it more than my children.
Since then, part of my latest schedule has involved me being introduced to trail running. I had a rather ‘interesting’ time of it last weekend when I went out into the Purbecks here in Dorset. If you’d like to see some photos from my trail run, along with a video I recorded at the top of a
hill in some of the most treacherous conditions I have ever faced, then go read this. The joy of trail running (sarcasm alert!): http://hypnosisforrunning.com/the-joy-of-trail-running/ >>
Next - 5 Day Course For Hypnotherapists - (CPD)
|
For Hypnotherapists - Join Us In June! Great professional development course
(PDC) based in London (near Heathrow)
Why not join some of you peer therapists for this certified five day course.
There is no doubt that the medical profession take more notice of a research based approach to therapy.
On to this week’s edition of Adam Up then… Building Rapport With Anyone |
Here in the UK, we are voting for our next government. Politics are very different today than previously in my own lifetime and I foresee much change in the way our political system exists in coming
years.
My own political stance is however, no way near as interesting as the psychology of voting.
It shows research and stats about voting trends and what can affect and influence voting. Then also the following article published at the BBC is a good one too: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2015-32537661 It explains and suggests that voting is an emotional matter.
Here in the UK, there has been so much media discussion about the kind of people that the party leaders are, how they present themselves and we have TV debates where they get to show the kind of person they are.
It may sound ridiculous at first, but they are in a situation not too dissimilar to that faced by therapists upon being scrutinised by potential clients. In order to place trust in a therapist and employ them, clients require some assurance and want to get the measure of the individual as well as their credentials as a therapist. Having done that, they then need to make the client feel safe and at ease in order to
derive any kind of benefit from the therapy sessions themselves.
A few weeks ago, a friend advised me to buy a book entitled “It’s Not About Me: The Top Ten Techniques For Building Rapport With Anyone” - I was not keen as I was pretty sure I knew how to build rapport and explained that I had been doing as much for the past 18 years as a professional hypnotherapist in my consulting
rooms.
There are many standard processes that therapists learn about how to make their clients feel at ease. However, my friend got me interested because he told me that the author, Robin Dreeke, was head of the FBI’s behavioural analysis programme and studied interpersonal relations for many years. He not only offers some very important points, but reminds us of the importance of other elements of rapport development that we
often overlook.
SO much of it is relevant to our politicians and why we vote for them, so much of it is relevant and useful to those of us that are therapists, and importantly so much of it is useful to anyone in any walk of life who wants or needs to get others to like them.
I’ll run through
some key points made in the book: 1) Be genuinely interested in others:
This is what Robin Dreeke refers to as “non-judgmental validation” and is whereby we seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without casting any judgement upon them. We listen intently (more on that shortly) but make sure not to judge because people do not tend to respond well to being judged.
Some people might confuse this with a need to agree with the other person,
but that is not the case; there is no need to agree with them; you just need to assure the person they are being heard properly and that their needs, desires and ambitions have been understood. We choose to be genuinely interested in what is being said. The eminent psychotherapist used to refer to this as unconditional positive regard for the client - where the patient of the therapist is heard and accepted by the therapist and the therapist adopts a genuine interest in the
patient.
People derive more pleasure from talking about themselves than they do from virtually anything else and when they feel heard and understood, they talk about themselves and start to associate communicating with you as being pleasurable. Rapport is now developing as we stop judging and start validating.
When politicians demonstrate that they truly understand our needs or hear our story, they become more voteable. Likewise, a therapist advances the therapeutic alliance and relationship by non-judgmental validation of the client.
2) Suspend Your Ego:
We’ve started it already with our previous step, but it is important to focus on them and suspend our own ego, which very often gets in the way of effective rapport development.
Each day on Facebook I spend more time reading comments to posts than I do reading the actual posts. There are so many people that are
desperate to point out how other people are wrong. It instantly destroys rapport and harms relationships. There is nothing to gain (rapport-wise) from correcting someone or trying to compete in a battle of ‘one-upmanship.’
I have found one of the things that harms the sense of community of the hypnosis field is how often people want to bicker and correct each other in a variety of different
ways. A few weeks ago here on this very ezine and on my blog I wrote about a recent TV show that featured hypnosis and I gave it my honest critique and I got a couple of emails from fellow hypnotherapists for whom the term ‘could start a fight in an empty house’ applies to - they just wanted to attempt to correct me rather than open a useful dialogue. It made it very difficult to have agreeable discussion. One of my own initiatives to attempt to overcome this mentality was the creation of my
Hypnosis Weekly podcast whereby I engage with differing perspectives from a variety of hypnosis professionals but maintain good relationships with them regardless of the stance. By the way, Hypnosis Weekly returns very soon after a hiatus and I have been recording with some fabulous guests this week from all over the world.
When we suspend ego, we (even if only for a while) put our own needs,
desires, stance and opinions to one side. We stop trying to be right or trying to correct the other person. Modern neuroscience also supports this and suggests this builds rapport. When someone hears something that contradicts their own opinion, the logical part of their mind shuts down and the brain gets ready to have a fight, responding to the contradiction as if it is a hostile attack.
Therapists don’t really give opinions, and ought not be trying to tell their clients what is right and wrong, Politicians suffer with this point though, especially if you watch those leadership debates. We can all learn how to build rapport when we suspend ego.
3) Listen
well:
By ‘listening well’ that means, not just waiting to talk yourself. As you listen, you then ask pertinent questions referring to what you’ve heard and not simply trying to come up with what you are going to say next in response.
Rather than trying to impress with your own tales, you impress by listening actively.
Adopt a sense of curiosity about what they are saying and ask questions so that you can learn more about it. You stop thinking about what you want to say and end up
having nothing to say. You are actively and attentively listening when you stop thinking about what you’re going to say, and are waiting for an opportunity to say it. Work out what interested you most about what you heard and ask about that, putting aside what you were inclined to say in response. There is evidence to suggest that this makes you more likeable and builds rapport as a result.
Active listening is pretty basic and simple: - Listen to what is being said without interrupting, disagreeing or
“evaluating.”
- Show you are listening by nodding your head, and making brief acknowledgements.
- Paraphrase effectively. That is,
show you heard them and took it on board by repeating to them the general outline of what they just said, from their perspective.
- Follow this up by asking questions that delve further into what they have said and demonstrate that you are engaged and
paying attention. That’s what we move on to next…
4) Ask good challenging questions:
That is purposely a bit misleading…
Ask people about their challenges, we all have them. So not really ask them questions that are challenging, instead ask them about their challenges that they are facing.
What challenges do they have at work, in life, with their family?
What challenges do they encounter with aspects of their life that you can explore?
When people discuss their
challenges, it starts highlighting their values, their beliefs and what is important to them at that time in their life.
On my training courses, I teach the importance of questions in therapy. I even champion the detective Columbo for the way he feigns
befuddlement and asks brilliant and invasive questions.
I teach Socratic questions in particular.
They show just how influential and powerful questions can be. These types of therapeutic questions are not necessarily
the most appropriate for developing rapport. However, one way to really use questions to build rapport is to ask for advice.
A variety of research across a range of professional fields have shown that seeking advice is one of the most powerful ways to
influence. When it is sincere and authentic. I like that because it feels less like attempting to be manipulative. The field of hypnosis, persuasion and NLP in particular seem to attract people wanting to know how to use some kind of covert influence on others that is sly and snide. It just seems to be so much more agreeable when we can be open, honest and valiant with our means of influencing. 5) Use Your Body Language
Effectively:
I write about and teach my students about being congruent. That is that they must mean what they say firstly. Secondly, that their body language and their verbal language must match and must agree with each other, offering the same message. The most important things mentioned by Robin Dreeke are as
follows:
- Offer up a genuine smile, a smile that promotes trust, and a smile that happens with the entire face (smile with the eyes and the mouth).
- Keep the chin down so you are not looking down your nose at people.
- Tilt the head a little bit if you can.
- Hold your body at a slight angle, and do not stand in full frontal, face-to-face, nose-to-nose stance.
- Keep your palms up and open at all times to show you are actively listening and are open to what is being said. You can elevate your eyebrows for similar effect and essentially anything you can elevate and open up is useful and comforting whereas pushing things down (i.e frowning or compressing your lips) has the
opposite effect.
Of all of those, smiling is the key. Many studies show smiling to be so useful is a wide variety of ways.
So these are some of the myriad factors that are influencing us as we develop (albeit slightly faux) relationships with our politicians, and that all therapists
should be very aware of when building important relationships with clients that will help deliver results in therapy, and that everyone in any walk of life can employ to ethically get more people to like them.
I’ll be back next week.
This week’s Joke of the week section is actually a funny set of phrases sent on to me this week. It is simply entitled “Words of wisdom
from Children”, enjoy…..
- Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10
- When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don't answer him. - Michael, 14
- Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14
- Stay away
from prunes. - Randy, 9
- Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
- Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a
tic tac. - Andrew, 9
- Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Armir, 9
- If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15
- Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren 9,
- Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel,
10
- Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, 8
We have these seminars coming up - Edinburgh in May and Manchester in July. You can see full details and book tickets on the Eventbrite website.
You will see a full list down the page at:
or
IF YOU WANT THE ABOVE TWO DAY DEAL
YOU WILL NEED TO CONTACT US
SEE BOTTOM OF THIS E-MAIL FOR CONTACT DETAILS We have a great community centre which is open to anyone who is interested in hypnosis.
Platinum Membership Resources
|
The platinum membership area was set up originally to provide extra teaching resources for our students.
We have videoed many hundreds of hours of course modules, seminars etc. The content is always being
updated.
For full information please go and read the following web page:
|
|
|
We have set up a set of bundles of our hypnosis audio sessions that complement each other. Check them out at: hypnosisfordownload.com |
Take A Tour - Learn About Hypnosis |
Some Places We Would Like You To Visit:- Adam's Main Website: This is the command centre of the business - a revamp of this site is currently in
progress. You can also find out here about personal therapy with Adam if you are seeking help.
Hypnosis For Download: An online store with about
160 self help hypnosis audio products - always look in the Offers of the month. Please note there will be some extra special discounts coming this month. Don't miss the 75% discount in December - Get prepared for the New Year
Hypnosis Weekly: A weekly podcast where Adam interviews peers in the field of hypnosis. Adam is in his element in this section as he loves to debate all things hypnosis. A place for serious students of the subject. A tad geeky!
Adam's Hypnosis Hub: A community site which you can join free as a member. Many of the members are former or current students of Adam's Training School/College. A great place to interact and wise to check out if you are thinking of training with the
college.
Hypnosis For Running Adam combines his two passions, running and hypnosis and manages this blog about
the runner's mindset.
Membership
Site - Where you can see hundreds of ours of videos from courses and seminars
AECollege Blog/News: If there is anything new to tell you about what is going on with courses,
seminars or post graduation support this is where we will post it. See some charity news posted 4th December.
Book - Science Of Self-Hypnosis Book - Hypnosis For Running Visit Amazon in your part of the world to get either the paperback or Kindle versions of these
books.
Any Questions Or Help Needed -
Please DO Contact
Us:- Do feel free to contact us if you need help or more information about our courses, seminars, products. It is in fact great to get to know you all.
We can take payments for products or services over the
Phone or Skype if preferred.
Please use Support Centre rather than e-mails which are notoriously
unreliable
Support Centre
Do leave a message if we are
not available and we will call you back. Adam: 01202 526977 or 0044 1202 526977 (outside UK) Keith: 01202 247301 or 0044 1202 247301 (outside UK) Skype:
Another thing that we encourage is contacting us
via Skype. Keith's Skype ID - keithaw2k1. Adam can be contacted on Skype by arrangement. |
Awake Media Productions Ltd |
|
|
