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Now I have been joking in recent weeks about my wife and her driving skills... She is actually a brilliant driver, it just so happened that she scraped the car along our front wall recently, it gave me the opportunity to pull her leg. I mention this because of an incident that happened a couple of years back... Someone else did not look when pulling out and pulled into the side of my wife's car. She was with my mother-in-law at the time and they also got another independent witness who saw it all happen... However, none of that was needed. Let me explain...

To put this in context; my wife is very small. She is only 5 and a half foot tall... She weighs almost half as much as me... Yet she has what many might refer to as 'assertiveness' in all manner of situations and circumstances.  

She is assertive in the workplace, in public and some may think, in her home life! (Ok, so she got the Cath Kidston wallpaper in the downstairs toilet, but heck, I like it too!) 

You see, it was this assertiveness and manner that she carries about her, that defies her physical size in many ways and ensured that when she pulled up to the side of the road to speak to the young man who had driven into the car, he immediately apologised, gave his details, proved an authentic phone number, texted her again to apologise and admitted all, without complication, to his insurance company and all is proceeding very amicably and agreeably. 

When people have a correct level of assertiveness, they get lots more done in life, they achieve more satisfying results in all manner of circumstances and tend to be able to be assertive with themselves - meaning that they have a good level of well-being, in general terms. When I say correct level of assertiveness, I am referring to not being submissive or domineering at the other ends of the spectrum. 

There is a large body of evidence for the usefulness of assertiveness training in therapy these days... certainly the fields relating to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy place emphasis on assertiveness training for clients. Helping them to take more control of more of their life. It is something I teach on my diploma courses and has been a cornerstone of my own therapeutic work. 

Continued below >>

This week, I have a really simple initial step-by-step approach to developing appropriate levels of assertiveness and it involves a sort of role play...
Not the Dungeons and Dragons sort that I used to engage in as a teenager seeking escapism, but the kind whereby you take on certain roles in order to develop your assertiveness: 

Prescribed Role-Play for Assertion

This process can of course be done with another person - one of you can role-play each side of the scenario... However, it can be effectively done all by yourself too... However you choose to do this, there needs to be a carefully judged level of opposition... I can remember watching that comedy episode of Alan partridge on television when Alan asked his PA, Lynn, to role-play being the head of programming for the BBC and he was going to ask him for a second series... When Lynn put up some opposition to the argument, Alan got very upset and said to Lynn "just say yes to my second series" and she meekly replied "yes."

So with this process, for example, one person might begin by offering minimal resistance to the complaint, but gradually increase their opposition as the other person (the one wanting to increase their assertiveness) gains skill and confidence in being assertive.... here are those scenarios as an example, though you can pick any others you think might be pertinent: 

1. You notice after leaving a shop that you have been short changed but the shop assistant doesn't believe you.

2. You realise that some clothing bought a few days earlier is faulty but the shop won't accept a return because you've lost the receipt.

3. Someone pushes in front of you in a queue and refuses to let you regain your place.

4. You find something wrong with the food you have ordered in a restaurant but the waiter insists that it's as it should be.

Pick any of these problematic situations and run through them role-playing with another person or by yourself. Begin by briefly role-playing the initial problem-situation to set the scene for using the four step method below.

This is basically the attitude and process to adopt when heightening your assertiveness and for the remaining of the role-play, to acquire the skill set and to develop your own belief in being more appropriately assertive: 

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Joke of the week:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"  

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.  

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Hahahaha.... Very funny indeed... Thank you for sending in the jokes, I love receiving them.

Articles of the week:

Here are a selection of topical articles that I enjoyed reading this week, often related to the fields of hypnosis, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and other forms of personal development. Some may have just amused me or made me smile. My personal comments about them are in brackets and just because we feature an article here, it does not mean they represent my own views - most often, they do not! If you ever come across any related articles that you think may feature well, then get in touch with me and we can share them here:

- Woman Credits Hypnosis for 140-Pound Weight Loss

- Woman's Weight-Loss Secret: Hypnosis

- Golf: Tiger's Helping Hand Through Hypnosis

- Hypnobirthing trend catches on in Gurgaon for painless, normal delivery

- Not hypnosis related, but very pertinent to me this week and I enjoyed this greatly, have a read: This 'Internet Slowdown Day' Gimmick Is Actually Really Smart Psychology

- And finally, a nice article about psychopaths to round things off this week... How So Many Psychopaths Manage to Reach Positions of Power

There'll be more next week. 

If you want to train to be a hypnotherapist, there has never been a better time, we are thriving in this economic climate! 

If you'd like to train, check out here for a course prospectus, dates and application form for this year's diploma, fully approved and accredited in several countries... 

The spaces are going at some pace right now though... 

My training school is one of a few in the UK to currently offer the externally verified HPD (Hypnotherapy Practitioner Diploma) which matches government occupational standards and is the equivalent of National Vocational Qualification (NVQ) level 4