I think I have grown weary of the commercialism of Valentine's Day, but also the way it can effect so many people as a major challenge. Over the years I have attempted to address that and have written and shared articles and features on social media on ways to heal, ways to find love in alternative ways to those romantically idealised and made fantastical by card companies in particular. Love is an incredible thing and so first up today, I'm sharing an article I wrote this week...

1. How Does Romantic Connection Shape the Brain and Mental Health?
What is the psychology of love? Why does falling in love feel intoxicating, stabilising, terrifying and transformative all at once? And perhaps most importantly — how does romantic connection shape our brain and mental health?

Valentine’s Day is close and so I thought I’d look to escape some of the card company marketed hype and explore the actual psychology of love. Love is often treated as poetry rather than psychology. Yet modern neuroscience, attachment research and psychophysiology tell a compelling story: romantic love is not merely a feeling. It is a biologically organised, neurologically measurable, psychologically formative process that profoundly affects wellbeing.

From dopamine-driven reward pathways to oxytocin bonding systems, from attachment styles to vagal tone regulation, the psychology of love reveals that close relationships are not just a luxury — they can be central to mental health.

In this first article, I’m exploring what happens in the brain when we fall in love, how secure attachment reduces anxiety and depression, and how we can consciously cultivate bonding chemistry to strengthen long-term wellbeing...

Read full Article Here: The Psychology of Love.

2. It made complete sense to then record a video that discussed and explored heartbreak, rejection and offered some insight to those maybe struggling with the ensuing Valentine's Day...

Valentine’s Day can be painful if you’re struggling with heartbreak or romantic rejection.
In this video, I explain the psychology of romantic rejection, including why your brain literally experiences heartbreak as physical pain, how attachment distress affects emotions, and why rumination can worsen depression.

Most importantly, you’ll learn science-backed tools to heal, including cognitive defusion, emotional processing, and meaning-making strategies for post-traumatic growth.
If you’ve ever felt stuck after a breakup, this video offers compassionate, practical guidance to help you recover emotionally and rebuild your confidence.

Watch Full Video Here: The Psychology of Romantic Rejection: Why Heartbreak Hurts & How to Heal

3. So now I'm sharing articles from the vaults. I think it is important to ensure we are not reserving all our love for one single day (the 14th of February), right? 

Tomorrow is Valentine’s day and it represents a great opportunity to go and spend money on cards, flowers, confectionery, meals out and novelty underwear, all in the name of love and romance.

Valentine’s day does tend to promote a romantic ideal of love and I think most people believe that relationships need to be built upon a foundation of love and romance that turns into a fairy tale as depicted in many of the Princess films and books that my 3 year old daughter is currently obsessed with. Yet the research about having a lasting, happy relationship tends to be far more sober and actually quite unromantic.

When looking for love, just seeking out someone who you share interests with, as is a common feature of internet dating, for example, is flawed. People often assume that if they have plenty in common, and share numerous similarities, that there will not be problems, however, all relationships have issues and problems at some stage. Being able to work through them is important, being resilient, learning from issues and developing out of them is what makes the effective, long-lasting relationship, not lazily thinking about having perfection and romance from the very beginning and expecting it to last forever.

Therefore, healthy reactions and responses to arguments and issues are important. Having fights is actually ok, it is usual and perfectly natural. If you are not fighting at all, the likelihood is that you are probably not communicating at all. (Gottman, 2014, What Predicts Divorce)

Sooooo… Whether you love or loathe Valentine’s day, I also see it as a great reminder of how we can be more loving in all of our relationships, all year round. It can become something that we actively work on, and that is what this next article is all about...

Read Full Article Here: How To Be More Loving & Loveable All Year Round.

4. I've covered the topic a few times in a number of ways throughout the years, so I'm sharing a few articles on an important topic indeed -  it goes without say, we can all focus upon loving ourselves more and expressing self-love to derive great benefit...

Tomorrow is Valentine’s day. Some are understandably less enthusiastic about this event for a wide number of reasons, but it can leave some people feeling a bit sad or gloomy, especially if they are single or have had relationships break down recently for one reason or another. However, there is always one person anyone and everyone can express their love for – themselves. Learn to love yourself more. I think Valentine’s day is the ideal opportunity to express love toward ourselves.

Many of us find it hard to love ourselves. On Valentine’s day, many are expending a lot of effort and are sharing love with partners, immediate family, relatives, and friends. Sometimes we neglect the most important person of all who deserves our attention and our love. So this next article is all about learning to love yourself.

“Loving yourself and extending that Love to others is the secret behind successful relationships” – Dr.Girish Kumar

So now comes the important question; how do you love yourself? Here, I wanted to share some (well, 12 to be precise) scientifically proven ways to love yourself more:

Read Full Article Here: How to Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day.

5. I covered this topic again, using even more science, a few years later...

Learning to love yourself is one of the most important journeys you can embark on. It is fundamental to your mental and emotional well-being and influences many aspects of your life, including healing, which is something that is proving important to me currently. Here today, I’m sharing a number of scientifically-supported ways to cultivate self-love and do my best to explain the psychological and emotional benefits of loving yourself. So why is it important to love yourself?

When you love yourself, you value yourself, take care of your own needs, and do not sacrifice your well-being to please others. It means having a high regard for your own happiness and well-being. Self-love can also mean forgiving yourself when you make mistakes and not being overly critical of yourself.
Psychologically, self-love is linked to higher self-esteem, improved mental health, and better overall life satisfaction. Emotionally, when you love yourself it can lead to greater resilience against stress and a more positive outlook on life. Similarly, when you love yourself, it can help you heal from a range of aspects of life that have emotionally or psychologically wounded you, such as a broken heart, loss of a loved one, or a traumatic experience of some kind...

Read Full Article Here: How to Love Yourself: A Guide to Self-Love Supported by Science.
 

6. Keeping hot on the trail of the two previous articles shared, I wanted to build upon that and show you how to use self-hypnosis to feel more love for yourself. 

This particular process today has a number of variations from related fields such as NLP, Gestalt therapy and CBT, there is even a version of this technique suggested in Paul McKenna & Hugh Willbourn’s book ‘How To Mend Your Broken Heart.’

The basic premise is that you are going to step into the shoes of someone else who has love for you, and tap into that love, feel it and wear it yourself and create a feeling of advanced love for yourself. Simply follow these steps...

Read Full Article Here: Using Self-Hypnosis To Love Yourself More.
 

7. “Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”

I find myself agreeing with the above Robert Holden quote.  You see, when we connect with ourselves, it usually leads to more meaningful connections with others. When we check in with ourselves, we can build more fulfilling lives for ourselves, and we no longer strive purely for external satisfaction. Having a healthy relationship with ourselves prevents us from being unnecessarily self-critical and judgmental. Going through life disconnected from yourself, not knowing who you are, can be hard.

When you learn to forge a relationship with yourself and are more attuned to how you feel and what is going on in your mind and body, you can feel more supported and at peace. Having a deep connection with yourself means recognising your emotions, thoughts, sensations, and feelings, which helps you respond to your needs more effectively. It also means knowing yourself inside out and not pausing to think about your strength and weakness in any particular scenario. When you have a deep connection with yourself, you understand more about what you need and desire. You are more aware of what sets you apart from others and what it is that you need to work on.

Building a deeper connection with yourself is not always easy. Like every relationship, creating a relationship with yourself requires investment of time, effort, and commitment. Here, I’m sharing 6 ways to help you connect with yourself more. Understanding the ethos of the approaches outlined here will help you find other ways that resonate with you more too.

Read Full Article Here: Ways to Create a Deeper Connection with Yourself.
 

8. Finally, ti really build upon these themes, lets offer ourselves some compassion...

Self-compassion is something that has become increasingly important to me and my work with my clients throughout the past decade. I have certainly found that the more individuals understand themselves and the reasons for them being the way they are, the more likely they are to be able to express self-compassion and heal deeply. 

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”  
 – Buddha

Pause for a minute to consider how you treat yourself when you make an error or fail to reach a goal, for example. On the off chance that you will be hard on yourself when things don’t turn out entirely as you’d like, you, as a great many people, can utilise more self-sympathy, understanding and self-empathy in your life.

A solid sense of self-sympathy can make way for increased wellbeing, better connections, and increased emotional and mental health. Research has uncovered various advantages of self-empathy. Lower levels of tension and misery have been seen in individuals with higher self-sympathy. Self-sympathetic individuals recognise when things are tough, and when they are being tough on themselves and learn to be more benevolent to themselves on these occasions, consequently bringing down their degrees of related tension and general wretchedness.

Individuals for the most part attempt to conceal their inadequacies to keep a positive mental self-view. With self-empathy, individuals can expand their insight and understanding about their own limitations. It may seem challenging at times, however self-sympathy has been discovered to be emphatically associated with working on emotional well-being and more noteworthy life fulfilment. You can read this article for using hypnosis to deal with your inner critic too.
So how would you be able to deal with transforming our internal self into a powerful ally? Well, here are simply the approaches to give your self-compassion abilities a speedy lift..

Read Full Article Here: How to develop Self-Compassion.
 
I hope you found these useful and enjoyable. As thanks for reading this far, here is a link to download a wonderful hypnosis audio track I recorded a few years ago that uses loving kindness to advance well-being. 

It is a scientifically proven method of meditation which involves you directing and projecting love and kindness toward yourself, other people and the rest of the world. Make sure you are in a quiet place where you can sit or lie down without interuption, adopt a hypnotic mindset and actively engage with the audio rather then being passive with it (there is guidance in my self-hypnosis resources given free below if needed). Here you go: Loving Kindness Audio Track. 

This ^^ link will expire in 3 days.