Photo: Pablo Barrios

I am fresh back from my holidays and raring to go.

On the plane journey, some good friends were on the same flight as us and they were enjoying having their young daughter on a plane with them for the first time... Many might be worried about such a thing, not these guys... They were all excited and happy about the prospect as we waited in the airport and then when the plane took off, she was interested, excited, and thoroughly loved the experience in its entirety, all the way laughing while we landed.

There was much preparation that went on for this to happen... They did not know consciously or really choose to do what they did, but they joked about how they pointed at planes in the sky and talked about being on one of those, when they played in the garden. They imagined and played games imagining being on planes and got a marvelously good level of comfortable mental association and it all panned out perfectly.

That is what I am writing about this week.

Most of the people that come to see me for therapy have learned somewhere along the line to cope in some way with their issues... They have not mastered dealing with the issue, otherwise they would not need to see me. Today, I want to talk about a process that allows anyone to move from coping to mastering just by using the power of your mind, so that you can metaphorically be flying without a care too.

Photo: Janusz Gawron

Prior to starting with this process, for a moment close your eyes and think of a situation that you feel uncomfortable about. that is the situation that we'll use throughout this process... Ideally a situation that you'd like to feel wonderfully at ease, confident and comfortable about in the future.

So with that situation in mind, imagine the situation like it is a film clip that has a distinct beginning, middle and ending. Like a scenario whereby you imagine that the scene begins at a point before anything has happened, goes through the discomfort of the situation, and ends when it is over and you feel safe once again.

Run through that entirely and thoroughly in your mind before you even begin this process.

Having done that, briefly and starting at the beginning, go ahead and describe the sequence of events out loud to yourself or someone else that you can get to listen. Just verbalise it and make sure it sounds right and is a worthwhile situation to be dealt with.

Then give yourself a score of between 0-10 about how confident you feel about the situation right now having run through it. maybe make a note of that score --- this is going to help us measure your progress later on.

Now you are ready to move on and get into it...

Step One:

Take several nice deep breaths, and as you let it out, imagine relaxing your body and softening your muscles. Engage in the moment, focus on your breathing, get really comfortable and let your body kind of begin to melt and float down and relax.

Be an observer of your own experience and just feel everything letting go, absolutely nothing for you to do, just relax. Enjoy the stillness and allow your body to be properly, deeply still. Go inside your mind and just observe what is happening inside you while you are relaxing.

Ideally, go get my book, The Secrets of Self-Hypnosis, and learn how to develop a good level of trance for yourself. Otherwise, use whatever form of meditation or relaxation that is right for you. Then, when you are ready and inwardly focused, proceed to Step Two.

Step Two:

OK, so if you have studied or explored the field of NLP, you'll be aware of this kind of process of dissociating... Though it was being done a long time before NLP started popularising it...

Now just imagine that you are seated in the back row of your own private cinema. If you used to snog quietly at the back row of the cinema, then you might want to sit in a different seat... ;-)

You are going to watch a film clip of that situation, the one you ran through prior to starting this... This time, it is going to be viewed in a different way though. You're going to view things from a distance, and feel more detached, neutral and objective about them.

So that from here onwards, you can still think about those things but you do so in a way that is much more helpful, progressive and constructive. What we want to happen here is for you to be able to face those old negative, unwanted emotions, feelings and thoughts and learn from them. Heck, maybe even grow stronger as a result of them!

So bring the cinema screen to life and see yourself on the screen at the beginning of that imagined situation. Hit the pause button for a moment.

In a moment, you are going to watch the things you were worried might happen --- which was a ridiculous thing to do, wasn't it? Run it through including the beginning, middle, and end. Tell yourself that the more you watch, the more calm, relaxed and confident you feel.

Face those old, unwanted fears, worries or anxieties from this distanced position and just drain all the negative feelings away. maybe you can see them, imagine them as colours, or hear them, or just assume that they are draining in whatever way is best for you.

Really do that right now, watch yourself going through that. Once you have arrived at the end of that scene, fade the screen, blank it out, pull a curtain over it and relax. If you know of a good progressive relaxation process, go through that for a while, do all you can to relax yourself more than before.

OK, so now when you think about that same situation, how self-confident do you feel about coping with it, on a scale from 0-10, what number do you have? How higher is it than it was before? Cool, eh?

Repeat this process at least two more times, remembering to score yourself after each time.

Step Three:

So having done that at least three times, you now use your imagination and actually put yourself in that same situation...

So this time you are seeing things through your own eyes, hearing through your own ears and feeling what it is like to be in the situation. As vividly as you can, imagine being there and it's happening here and now.

While you are there, you may want to deliver some powerful messages to yourself, affirming that, "I can do this," or, "I feel calm," or, "I am in control of myself," or whatever kind of internal dialogue helps enhance how you feel in this situation.

Imagine that you are now coping with that situation in a more calm, relaxed and confident manner. Not perfect yet, though better than before. Start at the beginning, and imagine yourself handling things in a more progressive and capable manner.

Then once you have reached the end of the clip, with you in it, blank out the screen, fade the picture or pull a curtain over it all and relax as much as you possibly can. Again, using whatever relaxation technique is best for you.

So that now when you think about that situation, on a scale of 0-10 how self-confident do you feel about coping with it? How much higher is that number now?

Repeat this process at least two more times, remembering to score yourself after each time.

Step Four:

So this is the climax, the crescendo, the mastery being met... The fun.

Finally then, you imagine yourself having totally mastered the same situation and dealing with it in a completely calm, relaxed and confident manner.

You may want to repeat any internal dialogue or messages to yourself again. Saying them with vigour and with a sense of really meaning it! So that you are now handling that situation to the best of your ability, as calm, relaxed, and confident as you can imagine. It is personal to you, so do this in whatever way you deem to be the best of your abilities.

Again, as before, start at the beginning, and imagine yourself experiencing things in as progressive and comfortable way as possible, as if it is happening right now. When you've reached the end, blank out the screen and relax. Really nice and deeply, breathe a deep breath and relax.

OK, one more time now, when you think about that situation, how self-confident do you feel about coping with it, on a scale from 0-10, what number do you have?

You can repeat this until you get to zero, if for any reason you have not already.

Step Five: Exit

Practice this technique over and over again. It'll make a huge difference. Go and take some action, that is undeniably convincing to you that you are making this change.

What You Get in Heaven...

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.

The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie... Hell is waiting for you."

To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."

The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."

To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice."

The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four-bedroom house and a BMW."

To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about eight times."

The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation."

A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!"

The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

Hahahaha... Very funny indeed... Thank you for sending in the jokes and putting them up in the members area all those of you that do regularly.

As a subscriber to my ezine, you, and anyone you recommend, can consult with me privately for therapy, coaching and personal development at a reduced fee. Get in touch with me to find out more. Just send me an email from the contact us page of my website.

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Until next week, enjoy moving from coping to mastery. I thank you for reading! Goodbye for now.

With my very best wishes,

Adam Eason
www.adam-eason.com