Photo: Ove Tøpfer

This weekend just gone, Katie and I had dinner with friends. Very well-to-do friends. They live in a stunningly beautiful home, with a lit up swimming pool, views across the sea, other views across countryside... They have a boat and their own mooring and two Bentleys in the driveway...

The reason I mention this is because they are 'old school', traditional English people, with Lords and Ladies for family.

At the end of a sumptuous meal in which I had quaffed more than my fair share of Chateauneuf Du Pap 1988 -- a delicious red wine -- out came the cheese and port.

On that plate rested a block of cheese, cheese biscuits, grapes, apple segments, pickled pears, pickled walnuts and a 'thing'.

I had used a 'thing' similar to this, which my parents used to use, but not at an intimate dinner party. I always used the cheese knife with the curved end if I had guests. Anyway...

This was a cheese slice, though they referred to it as a cheese plane... It looked like a pie server, with one edge dull, the other slightly serrated, and a hole in the middle, which reminded me of a bottle opener. I pondered the etiquette for using such a tool... It didn't look like a very efficient knife. As such, it would be clumsy and unwieldy -- so, how would one use it? I mean, am I to slice thin layers of stilton or brie?! I think not. And I surely can't just hack lumps off with my own table knife...

Self-hypnosis set in. I imagined the funny things that could happen and what could go wrong here... Uh-oh, I'm creating a ridiculous problem for myself... One that does not exist and certainly should not...

I watched our host as he served himself up. He pressed the flat side of the server into the top of the cheese, drawing it backward. A curl of cheese appeared through the hole. This was fine for cheddar, I suppose... Did I drunkenly dare try it with a different cheese?

Oh just stop it Adam, stop imagining all the scenarios where things could go wrong!

The break came when Katie decided to cut herself a piece, giving me the opportunity to say, "Honey, while you're cutting yourself a piece, could you cut one for me, too?" I figured that this would not be seen as strange, simply a courtesy between spouses -- but I realised I couldn't spend the remainder of the evening doing this. Being an adult, it would be generally assumed that I was capable of self-service. If not, what would that mean?

I was desirous of the cheese and the port was poured... I went for it. I thought to myself, "Enough is enough. Stop with all the ridiculous thoughts and get on with it." Most of us have experienced an "enough is enough" moment, where we got fed up and boldly marched into something that we may have had a fear of doing, or prevented ourselves doing for some peculiar reason. That is what today's Adam Up is all about.

As it happens, while the others were deeply engaged in their own conversation, I decided to take the plunge. I reached for the 'plane' and commenced cutting. Immediately, I found myself in the midst of a struggle.

When I pulled back, the plate came with. When I steadied the plate, the cheese began to come off the plate. Having seen some of the others softly steady the cheese with the tips of their fingers, I attempted to do the same, knowing, of course, that this should be kept to a minimum since it's rude to touch others' food... I could feel my fingers digging deeply into the cheese... Hahaha...

The tool was so deeply embedded in the cheese that 'softly steadying' the cheese wasn't working. Before I realised it, I had almost my whole hand on the cheese trying to keep it in place while I cut. I was struggling, but committed now -- having made a hack job of the cheese, I couldn't just leave the piece half-cut.

Then I had an appalling thought. Was the hand that was holding the cheese the same hand that I'd pet their cat with?

The hosts were looking at me now, and I wondered what they were thinking... Had they made the cat connection? Were they wondering what was wrong with me? Thinking I was rude? Or was I just over-reacting? I didn't want to be rude.

I finally finished cutting the slice, placed it on the cracker and ate it. Then, deciding I had had enough, I sat back, knowing that soon we would retire to the lounge...

I cracked up laughing out loud, and so did everyone else... I had imagined exactly what would happen, I made it happen... I made some other jokes about it and referred to it a couple of other times throughout the evening... Had I not given it another moment's thought, nothing of the sort would have occurred. Very funny experience and indicative of so many things.

Why consciously involve yourself in something that is incredibly simple? Why not just let it happen unconsciously? OK, on to what today's Adam Up is all about...

Photo: Christian Wagner

Often when people overcome fears, they reach a point where they got fed up with being afraid. They got fed up with having the fear and they got fed up with the silliness of it all.

In the scenario I mentioned today, I realised the ridiculousness of what I was thinking and doing. When someone has a fear of dogs, if they then walk through the park and someone walks by with a Chihuahua -- very small and non-ferocious dog -- then they know that they are being ridiculous. if someone has to sit at the bottom of the Eiffel tower while the remainder of their family zoom to the top to watch the stunning views across one of Europe's most amazing cities, then they may feel ridiculous.

When we realise the ridiculousness of our fears, we can often have a switch flicked inside our brain that says, "Enough is enough." And as Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer sang:

Enough is enough.

I can't go on,
I can't go on no more, no.

Enough is enough.

I want him out,
I want him out that door now.

I wonder if the 'him' they refer to is a fear too? Either way, we want that fear out, and today we are going to say, "Enough is enough."

This is an important part of dealing with any fears that you may have. What we are going to be doing today is to start to look at the times you've been afraid in the past, not as being individual events, but as if they occurred back to back, altogether in one long stream of events. Looking at any fears you have in this way builds up your disgust and disdain towards the fear... Therefore stopping us from giving them to much credence, thought or respect.

If you take five different episodes where you were embarrassed by your fear, whatever it may be a fear of... Just specifically pick five times when you felt stupid about it, or when you knew it was ridiculous, then you run the first memory, then the second ,third, fourth and fifth memory altogether like a stream of memories...

With each one, you make the pictures bigger and closer and brighter and louder until, when you look at it, and when you see yourself in all these memories, you cannot help but snap into Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer mode! You realise just how ridiculous this entire thing is!

So you run through all five and go back to the beginning and run through all five again and go back to the beginning and run through all five again in a really speedy fashion, you'll start to get fed up with it all.

So today, here is the process designed by Richard Bandler that is often referred to as the Threshold Pattern, in a step-by-step format.

Seven Steps to Say to Old Fears, "Enough Is Enough."

Step One:

Ok, so for this process, we don't really need a full-blown state of self-hypnosis as with most processes I mention each week. However, you want to have a receptive state of mind.

So ideally being in a place where you'll be undisturbed and free from distractions would be ideal.

Get centred and tune in to yourself. Get a sense of the moment you are in and get focused on your outcome of letting go of old fears.

Step Two:

Once you have a receptive state of mind, think of five times where you felt embarrassed by having your fear. This might be five times that your fear have proven to be ridiculous, or where you had to behave unusually to maintain the fear.

You might find it useful to write them down and add some detail for easy recall later on. Do spend the time necessary to get a good five occasions where you felt the ridiculousness of the old fear.

Step Three:

So now you make a film clip of each of the memories. For each of those times that you felt this way, make a film clip to watch and see yourself behaving in this embarrassing and silly way.

Do the same for all the memories, get a vivid representation, a film clip compiled for each of these memories. Again, do take all the time necessary to get sensory rich, detailed film clips for you to use.

Step Four:

Become a film editor. Take all the separate shoots -- that is, all the film clips -- and combine them, so all those memories form one longer clip.

You'll end up with all those silly, ridiculous times forged together, one after the other, in one continuous film clip of you being scared with this old fear that you used to have. Once you have it fully combined as one longer film clip, you move to the next step...

Step Five:

With this longer film clip, make the pictures bigger and brighter and the sounds louder, more pronounced, the behaviour seeming more silly, as you run this film clip of all five times in a row and you watch yourself in this clip looking ridiculous.

Run this film clip over and over again until you feel really embarrassed by yourself. Keep playing it until you really see the ridiculousness of what you used to do and how you used to behave. You might start to look at it in disbelief!

Step Six:

Keep on going at it, playing it over and over until to reach the point that you think to yourself, "Enough is enough," or when you realise how silly this all is and a switch goes off somewhere within you that says, "I'm stopping doing that!"

Flick off the switch, exclaim, "Enough is enough" and you are there!

Step Seven:

Bring the process to an end for now. Choose to take some action, get some proof for what you have done. Go and do something that is undeniably convincing to you that you have made that change. That you have let go of the old fear and that you have had enough of it once and for all.

Have some fun with this, enjoy it and realise how utterly amazing a process this can be.

Fred What?

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling.

"I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I kept myself to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, M.D.

"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

"I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

"When the ADA found out about the VD, they took away my DDS, the AMA took away my MD, and the VD took away my Dingaling... so now I am just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Hahaha... Very funny... As always, a very big thank you to all those of you that in the wonderful jokes and those that post them up in the members area, I love them all... It is such a tonic to laugh at these things.

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Until next week, enjoy letting go of silly fears. I thank you for reading. Goodbye for now!

With my very best wishes,

Adam Eason
www.adam-eason.com